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New Office Jargon PDF Print E-mail
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Written by TParker   
Sunday, 25 September 2005
New Office Jargon

Found these just too damned funny not to repost here.  A friend of mine sent these to me via e-mail.  Expand your office jargon vocabulary today!

Blamestorming:  Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who is responsible.

Seagull Manager:  A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything then leaves.

Assmosis:  The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement butt-kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Salmon Day:  The experiment of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Prairie Dogging:  When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what is going on.

Mouse Potato:  The on-line wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

Stress Puppy:  A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

Irritainment:  Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.  The Anna Nicole show or the Bachelor is a prime example.

Percussive Maintenance:  The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electrical device to get it to work again.

Adminisphere:  The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file.  Decisions that fall from the adminishpere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404:  Someone who is clueless.  From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" (meaning that the requested document, like the persons brain, could not be located).

Generica:  Features of the North American landscape that are exactly the same not matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions etc.

Ohnosecond:  That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Woofys:  Well Off Older Folks.

Crop Dusting:  Surreptitiously farting while passing through a cube farm, then enjoying the sound of dismay and disgust (leads to Prairie Dogging).

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Studio Jargon
Attack Time
(1) The time taken for a musical or other sound to reach maximum loudness or timbre from silence. The start of a sound. (2) Of a compressor or limiter etc. The time the device takes to respond to a transition in the signal level beyond the threshold. (3) Of an envelope generator the time taken for the envelope to reach its maximum level from its off or zero position. If the EG is being used to control an amplifier (VCA or DCA) the time taken to reach maximum loudness from silence.

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